[April 18] I'm really missing Corey today. I had put everything in the back of my mind so that I would be able to function and get through the days, and it's starting to creep back to the front. It's so strange to think that I can never call him again when I had a bad day and need to talk or just want to hang out. That I will never run into him somewhere out of the blue or see him at the Blackspot or be able to visit him at work. The fact that he no longer exists is not processing well in my mind. comment

Hearts and Minds Come First [April 17] My life's most common theme has become painfully apparent: Meet boy. Fall in like. Put everything I have into said relationship. Boy meets friend. Boy and friend run off together. (Boy and friend don't work out. Boy and friend suddenly need me again?) Good things that have come of said theme: I am becoming less emotional, learning not to get so attached, realizing things about life and myself and have grown much closer to my mother. Tuesday I skipped school. Went for a run until the soles of my feet bled. Got lunch and coffee, ate at the beach. Went book shopping. I got The Second Book of Tao and Not What I Was Planning: 6 Word Memoirs. Both awesome. Took a bubble bath. Read. Hung out with Mom. Taking time to myself and being more selfish have been significantly bumped up on my priority list. I give so much to and care so much about people that no one could possibly return the favor and I am constantly disappointed by the human race. Oh, and I'm blonde. 3 comment

[September 20] Some creep at work asked me for my number today. I must have made a weird face because he immediately blushed said he was kidding. I can't stop coughing. I have poison ivy on 2/3 of my body. I might graduate this year. 1 comment

[September 18] I need a haircut. 4 comment

[April 9] People are really good at making me feel worthless and insignificant. I'm torn between taking higher level chem or higher level Latin. Any thoughts? 2 comment

[December 24] [ mood | tired ] So tonight was Christmas Eve. We had a family party and I got: A black down vest from Land's End $75 to Alizee in Mashpee Commons $40 to American Eagle A digital keychain that plays a slideshow of pictures A little guardian angel pin from my Nana Yay! comment

[December 24] [ mood | christmasy ] Last night was Emily's Christmas party. We decorated cookies & laughed lots. It was fun :) 2 comment

[December 12] [ mood | curious ] Now I do as I please and lie through my teeth Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free... and a little bit empty I painted a watercolor today. It wasn't great, but it was oddly relaxing. Life seems so much more interesting off-Cape. I need an adventure. I think things will start looking up when I have my new camera, my license, and some money. I am going to go so many new places and take so many new pictures. ( Read more... ) 1 comment

[December 11] While I should be studying for numerous make-up quizzes and upcoming exams, I'm more inclined to waste away my life Christmas-shopping online. I'm still a bit reluctant to shop Urban Outfitters, though, as that that's what I was doing when I had an anxiety attack last night. comment

[December 10] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Best of Both Worlds - Hannah Montana ] "you can tell from the scars on my arms and cracks in my hips and the dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that i'm not the carefullest of girls you can tell from the glass on the floor and the strings that're breaking and i keep on breaking more and it looks like i am shaking but it's just the temperature and then again if it were any colder i could disengage if i were any older i could act my age but i dont think that youd believe me it's not the way i'm meant to be" I am anxious and overwhelmed My knuckles keep cracking (but only on my left hand) Kate thinks that when we're old they're going to have hovercrafts instead of wheel chairs and do-it-yourself vaginal reconstruction kits on eBay. I sure hope so. 2 comment

[December 9] Yesterday was my art show, then Emily and Kenny came over. We watched Hannah Montana, ate cookie dough, and explored an abandoned house in the middle of the night. Our flashlight died just as we got out. Scary. Someone changed my settings on YouTube to Japanese. 5 comment

[December 7] Cleaning my room, drawing, biting on my tongue. Things to do when I am nervous and waiting. 2 comment

[December 5] THIS WEEK IS SO EFFING ODD. Nobody is in their right minds. Emily and I decided it's the cosmic forcezzz ooOo. Anyways, the work of Dorothea Lange & Robert Capa, among others, has been completely captivating me these past few weeks. I think I'm interested in photojournalism. How sweet would that be. I have too many dreams. 2 comment

[December 4] [ mood | confused ] My day today wasn't too much better, but it was definitely an improvement. Jesse was acting weird as usual. I don't know what to say about that. After school Janine and I decorated the windows at Cafe e Dolci for Christmas. It was a little messy, and definitely not a professional-looking job, but still a lot of fun to do. Genarro (the manager) gave us free tea, food, and a lot of slips for free lunches. He's always so nice and generous. Lately I have really been appreciating the place I go to school: the academics, the friends I've made, the community on Main St, knowing all the homeless people's names, and coming up with creative places to practice sports due to our lack of athletic facilities (among other things). I'm a little nervous about next year though, so much is going to be different when everyone graduates. comment

[December 2] [ mood | tired ] Yesterday was my last photo class, next weekend there's going to be a show. I made five prints. I'm going to miss it. I had driving hours in the morning with a new instructor who I hadn't met before. His name was Norman. He had a bald head, except for these weird grey tufts on the sides. He was wearing this oddly colored leather jacket and had a funny hook nose. He used to live in Pocasset but now he lives in Mashpee. Once he played a joke on his brother-in-law on Christmas by giving him an old alarm clock. An old friend of his used to have an '85 Saab that he let him drive. He wants to buy his nephew an iPhone for completing graduate school in Texas, but feels bad buying him the first model when he knows a better one will come out soon. His ringtone was Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here. He had me drive around aimlessly and would intermittently chime in the most completely obvious driving rules. We went to get gas, and he told me that Brazilians don't know the first thing about American automobiles. I thought that was a little off, but didn't say so. We talked about cameras and cell phones and cars, and he shook my hand twice. It was overall a fairly boring but pleasant time. I came home and worked on my drawing and napped and ate Cambodian food. My dad told me that my mother met my cousin Jim's new girlfriend this weekend. She says that she is a very strong, intelligent woman and that she puts Jimmy in his place. My dad told me, "I didn't tell your mother this, but that's how it was with us." comment

[November 30] [ mood | complacent ] This week has been pretty short, thankfully. Today was a blur. After school Jesse came over and we watched The Butterfly Effect, which was extremely sad and disturbing. I still haven't seen the end, because I flicked him in the face and it turned into an ongoing war. comment

Never eat weight management gum. [November 29] [ mood | disgusted ] It tastes like rotten cacti and gives you the worst stomach pains you will ever feel. 4 comment

Saltines and gingerale. [November 28] lazed around in my bed texted Emily texted Kate (neither responded) fixed my chipping nails looked at cameras completed my Christmas list thought about cleaning up the house got out of bed realized how cold it was got right back in. 4 comment

[November 27] New LJ comment to be added. It's semi-friends-only. 3 comment

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